.png)
Prison Family Support
For the ones who love someone on the inside of prison walls
A quiet place to land.
If you've found your way here, it likely means your heart is carrying something heavy. Loving someone who is in prison is a kind of grief that doesn't always have a name. it is not clean or simple. It is layered with love, anger, hope, confusion, loyalty and sometimes a quiet loneliness that shows up in the middle of ordinary days
You might be holding on tightly...or learning how to loosen your grip just enough to breath.
You might be waiting for change...or realizing that change is not yours to control. And somewhere in all of it...you are still here. still lovng..still trying.
This space is for you.
Not to fix everything. Not to give you all the answers. But to remind you that you are not alone in this.
A compassionate network offering support, advocacy and resources for families navigating the prison system.
Helpful information, especially for parents and caregivers supporting children through this experience
A Canadian organization offering programs and support for women and families impacted by incarceration.
Offers community -based support, reintegration service and resources across Canada
Offers resources, research and support for families impacted by incarceration
Supports families with loved one in detention or being released
Provides a supportive group for women with loved ones int he justice system
support & community
Sometimes the most powerful thing is simply knowing someone else understands.
Mental Health & Addiction- Understanding the Weight
Mental health conditions and addiction are closely intertwined, often co occurring and influencing each other in complex ways. Mental Health disorders and substance use disorders frequently co-exist. A situation known as co-occurring disorders or dual diagnosis. Individuals may use drugs or alcohol to self medicate symptoms of mental illness, while substance use can also trigger or worsen mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or psychosis. Genetics, early trauma and environmental factors can contribute to both mental health issues and addiction, making it difficult to determine which condition develops first.
Many who are incarcerated carry stories that began long before prison.
Mental Health struggles
Addiction
Trauma that was never given a safe place to land
Loving someone through this can feel like standing at the edge of something you can not fix. Lets be real here it can feel like your going crazy, your hearts a mess, your heads a mess and nothing seems to make sense so you find yourself wondering if this is normal or are you going nuts.
Here are a few gentle reminders:
-
You are not responsible for saving them
-
You are allowed to have boundaries and still love deeply
-
Their healing must be their own decision
-
Your well being matters just as much
If you are struggling, consider reaching out for support
Sometimes healing begins when you shift the focus- just slightly-back to yourself. It sounds simple. It isn't. Trying to take care of yourself while someone you love is drowning in addiction or mental health struggles can almost feel impossible. And unless someone has lived through it, they often do not understand the weight of it all.
I don't mean hard as in like a bad day at work or a difficult season. I mean the kind of hard that lives in your chest. The kind that keeps you awake. The kind that changes who you are.
Choosing yourself while someone you love is slowly destroying themselves with drugs, alcohol, pain, or self destruction feels unnatural. Especially when the person is your child.
Because every instinct in you says:
Protect them.
Save them.
Keep them alive.
You pour every ounce of your energy into trying to hold them together, even while you are quietly falling apart yourself.
People say things like:
"They need to hit bottom"
"You can't save them"
"You need boundaries"
And while those things may be true, they do not erase the reality that loving someone in addiction feels like standing in front of someone drowning and asking not to through a life line.
It goes against every parental instinct to step back and let them face the consequences on their own. Even with a spouse, sibling, or someone else you deeply love, the ache is still there. The helplessness is still there.
But somewhere in all of this, healing asks something impossible of you:
TO LOVE THEM....WITHOUT ABANDONING YOURSELF.
And that my be one of the hardest things a person will ever learn to do.
books that you may connect with
These are not just books they are companions.
A mothers journey of grief, incarceration, love and forgiveness
The power of second chances and reclaiming life out of the darkness
What to do when your love one is arrested and incarcerated
A book to help adults talk to children about a loved one who is in prison
A guide on how to cope with your loved ones in prison
Beside books on prison there are books that one may find helpful to understand Mental Health and addiction, co dependency, grief and self care. Here are some titles though there are many, some with fit and some you will be what the fuck, I don't need this. I have found when in the midst of my chaos the ones that irritate me the most are the ones I need to the most. lol Might not be the same for everyone however it is definitely one of my clues. If I don't want to hear it, I don't want to read it, I think this is stupid what am I reading this for ?? is a it hits Is usually that it has hit a nerve and I need the information. There are soooooo many books to choose from so I tossed up a few titles, if you have one you have read and works for you send the information along so I can share with others that may find it useful as well.
Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture
Stop Overthinking: How to Calm Your Mind, Shift Negative Patterns, and Think With Clarity
Unbroken Brain: A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction
The Self-Love You Were Never Taught: Rest, Boundaries, and the Courage to Care for Yourself Too
The Self Care Prescription: Powerful Solutions to Manage Stress, Reduce Anxiety & Increase Wellbeing
Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives
Grief Day By Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss
The Loss Prescription: A practical roadmap to grief recovery
The Love That Stays With You: A Soothing Story for Kids About Grief, Loss, and Big Feelings
The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About
There are also some that put out many book to help people in all sorts of areas, the two that I know of are:
These are really just recourses to help you through some of the rough stages that we go through. Some people questioned when I suggested to read about grief. The reality is that you are going to grief the one that is incarcerated. Yes they are alive and we are grateful for that, however, you grieve because your day to day life is different. That person is not longer accessible like they use to be. It took me a long while to figure out that I was grieving. Doctor told me I was depressed and wanted to put me on medication, it was thanks to a counsellor that he pointed out that it was grief and that it was 100 percent ok for me to be feeling the loss of my sons presence in my day to day world. I learned a ton about myself when the boys went to prison, in many aspects of my life, in areas I didn't know needed to be looked at. In the midst of all of it I could see no good, I could find no positive. It has only been in later years that I can look back and realize all the growth that has happened, how this situation has shaped me as a person and in positive ways.
podcasts
For the quiet drivers, the long evening, or the moments you just need a voice that understands or an opportunity to try to understand yourself. These range in all aspects of having a loved one incarcerated. Self help, prison system, mental health and evert thing in between. There are plenty of pod cast out there its been a journey finding the ones I can related to more so than other, though everyone I have gained something from.
Here are some options to start you off
There are some online spaces to check out, blogs, forums and quiet corners where people share their stories- Sometime the most healing words come from someone simply saying, "me too. "
There is no perfect way to walk this path.
Some days you will feel strong
Some days you will feel tired of being strong.
Both are allowed.
Love does not mean losing yourself.
Support does not mean carrying everything.
You are allowed to grow, to heal, to find joy-even while loving someone who is still finding their way.
And if no one has told you this lately........
You are doing better than you think.
xo