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May 1st always starts out quiet for me. It is the first day of mental health awareness month, and a birthday that is not celebrated because they are not here for these reason.

As a writer, I write often, many times without really a thought of what I am putting on the paper. It shows up in my mind and the next thing I know my fingers are dancing over the keyboard like a couple moving in harmony to a perfect love song. Then there are moments where I have to stop and pause that is what I wanted to share today..

The Pause. The semicolon. it has taken on a quiet powerful meaning in mental health spaces-and it isn't only about suicide.

It comes from the idea behind Project Semicolon, where the symbol represents a moment when a sentence could have ended..... but it didn't

In writing, a semicolon is a pause, a choice to keep going - many times with a impactful continuation.

In life, it has come to mean:

. SURVIVAL - especially for those who faced suicidal thoughts

. ONGOING STRUGGLES - anxiety, depression, addiction, trauma, grief.

. CONTINUATION - choosing, again and again, not to end the story

. CONNECTION - a quiet signal that you're not alone in this

A semicolon isn't the end, it isn't even the beginning, its something softer than that. its when a breath is taken and the writer decided there is more to say.

In the language of the heart, that's what survival looks like.

Not loud victories. Not perfect healing. But a quiet, trembling pause in the middle of a life that could have stopped- and didn't.

For the ones who have sat in the dark with thoughts that felt heavier than their own body..

for the ones who have carried anxiety like a second skin,

or depression like a long winter that wouldn't lift.

for the ones who have tried to numb the ache, to outrun it, to silence it--

the semicolon becomes something sacred.

it says:

I was here. I almost didn't make it. But I am still

it honors the days that didn't look heroic- the days where getting out of bed was the victory. Where breathing through one more hour was the bravest thing you could do.

it doesn't pretend everything is okay. It doesn't tie pain up neatly with a bow.

Instead, it holds space for the in-between- the messy, human unfinished parts of us that are still learning how to live inside themselves.

A semicolon is not a declaration of perfection. It is a declaration of CONTINUATION.

A whisper that says:

even here,...especially here... my story is not over.

And maybe that is the most powerful kind of hope. - not the kind that promises everything will be easy, but the kind that stays...even when things are hard.

So if you find yourself in a moment that feels like an ending remember this

You are allowed to pause.

You are allowed to ache

You are allowed to not have the answers yet

but you are not finished.

you are a semicolon-

a breath held gently between what was and what is still to become.

and there is still so much more to say

it is hard to see where people are at in life, you never know when someone is sitting in the dark inside themselves. it doesn't always look messy, emotional and falling apart. Sometimes it can be the person who you thought was incredible strong, held together or the support for those around them. Sometimes it could be the jokester, the one that laughs off a lot of things. sometimes it could be the quiet one who doesn't say much at all.

Most people, if not all, hit a point where life is heavy and you are unsure about carrying the weight. The coping skills become harder or more reckless. Maybe your once in awhile glass of wine has turned to daily maybe to a couple. Maybe you think fuck it I will try that new drug they seem to be having fun and I want some of that joy. Maybe you want to escape it all so you drive as fast as you can to a destination because fuck it i want to feel alive. Maybe you cut yourself for no other reason that to feel something other than the darkness that has taken over. bleed to know your alive. Maybe it doesn't look like destruction at all, maybe it is the well dressed, well put together person that is actually dressing to disguise the pain. The one that seems to have it all together yet is dying inside because they still feel not good enough. Maybe its the one at the gym working out hard that you admire their commitment and dedication yet inside they are still looking for approval from the outside world and left feeling empty and unfulfilled.

My point being you do not know where people are at, it doesn't always look how we think it ought to look. I have lost far too many to believe that it is a certain type of person or that it is the weak or uneducated or or or.

Mental health is not prejudice, it doesn't care if your are male, female, young or old. It has no preference. You can be fit, unfit, wealthy or poor.

I have been there, not suicide, I have had to pause. I have had to take a breath and say take another and then another. There were days when getting up was the first hardest thing I had to do. The ache inside me was so extreme that as soon as I opened my eyes the weight was crushing, the first breath made me painfully aware that life was not ok and I had know idea on how to get to a place of comfort. I could see no joy insight. I can conjure up that ache with a simple thought of the years I missed with my son, time lost as a family on how i thought it ought to look, when I think of my daughter and the years of ache she carried at the same time. The not being able to ease her discomfort or to be fully present for her. It doesn't hit the same, we carried on however I will still take that moment, to remember, as a reminder... that life is hard, moments when you feel broken and life is unbearable that it is just a moment and you can choose to take another moment, to step into another moment and just keep going. That one was heavy and my heart struggled on many levels, for myself, for my children and it impacted me in every aspect of my life, work, love, friendships, marriage and self. I would be lying if I said that was the only time I have had to take a pause and choose to keep going. My health hasn't been the greatest and there are days when I think man this is a lot of work and I am not sure I am up for it. again, not suicide (something close too it, the loss of hope) and just not feeling like doing the work. Its heavy. The time, the money, the effort on top of home, work and finding time for some joy. It can deplete you and the weight of it all feels like a lot. So one has to stop, take a breath and then take another. the semicolon of life, the pause, the moment where you are at the in between of here and there. In this case for me, not completely unwell, not completely healthy and it all feels like what the fucks the point. Do less and your health will deteriorate, keep going and one day (fingers crossed) your health will be in tacked and I will feel amazing. its in that moment of wanting to give up and you decided fuck no I am worth it and you keep going despite the tired, and any other bit of doubt that rears it ugly head to tell you to give up.. unworthy, not good enough, not deserving, too much effort, to much energy too much.( whatever fits in there for you).

so if this post leaves you with nothing else, I hope it leaves you will the purpose of the semicolon and the importance of the pause.